Friday, 14 May 2010
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Say whut ye lake aboot Gordie Broon but he wisnae the wurst o them. The biggest bother he had wus takin ower the Labour party frae thon smirkin goat Tony Blair. It wus lake bein left Dunseverick Cassel in a wull an toul it jest needed a bit o wurk daen tae it. Hooinever, the critur sed haes guid byes an taen aff doon Downin Street wie haes wife an weans tae get haes heid shared. The day we ir bein woke tae the news that thon irritatin clem Cameron haes taen ower the tap job sae we hae aa the usual Tory stuff tae luk forrit tae - job cuts, high taxes an the lake. In north Antrim thaur's lakely tae bae a revolt fur a random sample o yins Ranter taaked tae aa thocht Naomi Lang shud get the job. Lake, why naw? It wud get hir awa frae hir Upside Doon heided pairty leader Ford wha comes across as a gansh o a boadie an shae haes tae watch oot fur property fowk an dodgy cafes oot roon that Bilfawst. Och Naomi, fur yer ain guid, awa ye go an pit Cameron oot an get in thonner yersel. If ye think Naomi Lang shud bae Prime Minister, hae yer say an let them yins in that Inglan know!!
Jane Dunlop (That doll Dunlap frae Alliance). OK sae the pictur disnae dae hir a lock o justice but its aboot the nearest image A cud get. Some wag thinks its mebbe naw even Jane Dunlap ava an luks mair lake the great Ulster Scots inventor John Dunlap wha med the bike tyre an tube. If he wus a far oot relation o Jane it didnae show at the pouls fur hir vote didnae inflate much whin the fowk o north antrim cast thir votes. Mair lake a punctured wheel, shae wus left feelin gye deflated.
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Irwin Armstrong (AKA Who?) A actually seen a poster o this hunk ootside Bellamena an thaur wus mebbe yin at Derrykeighan forby. He stud oan a UCUNF ticket an oan yin o the posters, some eejit changed the last letter o that tae mak him mair interestin. It didnae wurk - he got hemmered. Even though A niver heared o this boadie afore, A'm near sure he wus in Four Weddins An A Funeral an got aff wie a bridesmaid an endin up merryin hir efter aboot half an hour.
Lyle Cubitt (AKA Yin Scary lukin boadie). Yins wud tell ye that Lyle haes faa'd oot wie that monie fowk he had nae ither choice but tae staun oan haes ain. His poster mair ir less sed tae me "Vote fur me ir A'll sink the brogue in ye" an that didnae dae it fur me. He's brave an weel aff, they tell me, sae he'll lakely naw mine daein badly an lakely spent the nicht o the elecshun sayin tae iveryboadie, " Sae whit aboot it - luk at Peter Robyson. He'll lakely niver staun agane - an nither wull Cubitt.
Daithi McKay (Ullans: Dacky McKye). Smilin lake a pure clem didnae mak him wun north antrim but sure even if he had wun it, he wudnae hae went ower tae thon Westminster oniehoo. Even though is Ulster Scotch yins aa know that abstention means ye dinnae drink, the Shinners hae it in thir heids that it means naw gan tae Inglan. Harly a cinner voted fur the Shinner but he luks lake he kine a knowed that wud heppen an that's the raison fur the gornit's grin hae haes oan haes fizog in this pictur.
Jim Allister: Luk Jim thaurs nae point in ye shakin yer fists an gettin oan at a rate - ye loast an mebbe if this blog had hae bin approached afore the elecshun, we micht hae bin able tae gie ye a haun. Negative campaignin, as the Inglish caa it, is whin a boadie is seen tae dae nae mair nor miscaa the ither yins rinnin. It pits yins aff, even if they dae agree wie it aa. His biggest mistake wus naw takin oan breid an butter issues. Lake, niver did he menshun a tower centre fur Linen Hall Street in the Toon, a new zoo fur Dervock ir a niteclub fur Bendooragh. If he had, he wud lakely hae wun.
Ian Paisley Junior (aka Paisley the yung yin). The mair he luks lake a boadie wha haes jest ither stepped aff a motorbike ir someboadie wha haes had haes tay spiked, this is the yin wha represents is ower in that Inglan. Whin the obvious shock o it aa dies doon a bit an he taks tae lukin normal agane, he haes tae tak oan issues lake soartin oot Bellymoney Toon Centre an gettin aa thon empty shaps tore doon an replaced wie a rake o new investment tae bring aboot work an gie the yins o the toon an thereaboots a wheen o poun in their pockits. Whit he can NIVER dae is sell the Causey staines!! They belang tae is an hae tae stye whaur they're at, nae metter hoo hard up we becom!!
1. Whit's wrang wie ye? Ir ye loast? What is the matter? Are you lost?
2. Ir ye lukkin somewhir swanky ir jest a plaice tae pit yer heid doon? Do you seek a hotel or simply somewhere to lay your head down?
3. Thons naw a bad plaice ower thonner. That is a quite reasonable place over there.
4. Ye mean ye'r lyin oot aa nicht? Is yer heid cut? You mean you are sleeping in a tent/outdoors? Are you sane?
5. The Causey isnae aa that bad but it wud blaw the heid aff ye, mine ye. The Giant's Causeway is fine but can be somewhat windy, mind.
6. Whit schuil did ye go tae? I am trying to ascertain your religion by deducing it from the school you attended.
7. Ye wull fin Dunluce Cassel ower thon wye but its in joogins, mine ye. Dunluce Castle is over that way but it is in need of repair.
8. Whit dae ye mean Ulster Scotch? We aa taak Inglish aboot here. What do you mean Ulster Scots? We are English speakers here.
9. Mine thon burn fur the kye haes shat the hale lenth o it! Beware of the small river as effluent from cattle is present in it.
10. If ye stye roon here much langer ye'll bae ready fur the big hoose afore lang! If you do not leave this area shortly you may be committed to an assylum!
This isnae bae onie means an exhaustive list o ullans wurds - mair a kine o hitch hikers guide tae the hame lan. Thaur wull bae mair added tae it afore lang.