Friday, 14 May 2010

Alexander Gemmel / Gamble

This here is the grave o poor Presbyterian freedom fichter, Alexander Gemmel (Eng. Gamble). He wis yin o the wheen wha ris in the rebellion o 1798 in the toon. He niver got daein a big lock an wis hung efter a mockery o a trial. The heid yins mair ir less feelt the need tae mak an example o some boadie sae they tuk Gemmel an his freen an hung them frae the clock tower. If ye want tae gae tae see haes grave, ye wull fin it in the owl Anglican graveyard (they hung him forby!) at the junction atween Queen Street and Church Street. If ye ir staunin lukin at it an jook ower tae yer richt, ye wull see the grave o George Bloody Hutchinson wha wis behin the hingin. A writ this objectively an fairly - dinnae pit nae fleurs on Hutchinsons plot!!

Toon Clock

The pictur here shows Bellymoney Toon Clock. Naethin ower special aboot it ye micht think tae yersel but lake sae much oot roon the Toon, thaurs a lock mair tae it nor meets yer een.
As weel as haein a lang an mixed histry, the clock even sometimes gies ye the richt time (weel, noo an agane it daes). The clock an the buildin nixt it wur built awa bak in 1775 bae the 6th Earl o Antrim (a boadie wha wisnae shoart o a wheen o poun). It wus a hale rake o different things ower the years an wus a market hoose, a coort hoose, the Toon Hall, a schuil and even a plaice o worship. In 1798 it wus pit tae gye bad use whin they tuk poor Presbyterian freedom fichters an hung them frae the clock tower. Their boadies wur jest buried whaur they fell an wirnae fun tae wrkers pittin drains in Main Street come on their banes wha wur then tuk tae the Anglican graveyerd an buried - jest a wheen o graves ower frae the cerrian wha hung them - Bloody Hutchinson!! Tae this dae, naeboadie lakes tae bae seen hingin aboot the clock - onie wunner!!

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Volcanic Advice

We ir still bein towl tae watch oot fur thon volcano wha keeps on boakin oot a rake o stour an sennin it oor tae north Antrim - an ither plaices forby. If ye heppen tae bae visitin oor airt whin it taks aff at a rate agane, here's the sayins ye hae tae lissen oot fur:
1. Whits aa that stueugh comin ower the tap o Knocklayde? (Do I detect foreign matter passing over Knocklayde mountain?)
2. Get a sapplin cloot ready fur its aboot tae get gye mouchty! (Prepare a damp cloth to remove impending dust)
3. Maun dear, A hinnae a gasp! (My, it is difficult to breathe!)
4. Wha's them het staines in mae gairden? (What are those hot rocks in my garden?)
5. Fill thon tub an get unther the waater! (Prepare the bath and get into it!)
6. Mae claes haes cocht! (My clothes are ablaze!)
This haes bin a public service announcement frae the Toon.

The Orange Order: A'm sure maist o ye hae heared o the Orange Order but hoo weel dae ye know the histry o it? Weel, it aa begun yin day whin Dan Winter an a wheen o haes freens wur jest sittin aboot yarnin. Aa o a sudden, there wus a ruction ootside the hoose an whin they aa luked oot it wus the left futters shapin at giein Dan an haes freens a guid lickin. Hooinever, Dan wisnae fur haein it sae him an his yins tooled up an stairted shootin at he left futters who got crabbed an shot bak. Efter a while, the left futters taen aff an Dan an them stairted tae think aboot gettin themsels organised in some wye fur fear it micht heppen agane. Sae they stairted wha we noo caa the Orange Order.
It aa went weel fur a brave while but then the Presbyterians an the Anglicans faa'd oot at the toon Twelfth an a hale thra stairted. The Order split and there wus hanlins fur years. Noo thaurs twa Orders but they get on naw sae bad an even spake tae ither whin they're oot.
Dinnae say ye hinnae bin towl aa aboot the Orange Order - ye heared it here furst!

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

We Love Oor Stanes

If thaurs yin thing wha haes aye stooned fowk frae aa ower the worl, it;s the shape o oor stanes here in north Antrim. A know onie too weel aa the owl jokes aboot rugby players haein funny shaped balls but NAEBOADIE can match oor stanes up here in north Antrim. Fowk come frae aa ower the hale worl tae luk at oor stanes an yins aa seem tae love posin wie them ir even staunin on them. Aye, we're gifted in the stanes department and we're aa gye proud o the grate stanes we hae. Fowk frae ither airts ir jealous o is an wud lake tae tae the stanes aff is but be warned ony o ye wha wud try it - oor stanes ir styin whaur they're at!!

Vote Fur A Clown O yer Choice

Af coorse, in the rin up tae the elecshun, near eneuch ivery telegraph powl had a poster oan it wie some hopeful weerin a fool grin lukin doon on is aa. The poster here seemt tae me tae be the best yin o aa sae whin powlin day come aboot A taen doon the poster an tuk it in wie me tae the powlin station' The wee wummin there towlt me A cudnae vote fur this yin but naw tae fret cas there wus a hale list o ither clowns tae pit mae X at. A done lake shae sed but mine ye, A still think this clown wus the best yin o aa. Mebbe nixt time .....



Naomi Lang fur Prime Minister!

Say whut ye lake aboot Gordie Broon but he wisnae the wurst o them. The biggest bother he had wus takin ower the Labour party frae thon smirkin goat Tony Blair. It wus lake bein left Dunseverick Cassel in a wull an toul it jest needed a bit o wurk daen tae it. Hooinever, the critur sed haes guid byes an taen aff doon Downin Street wie haes wife an weans tae get haes heid shared. The day we ir bein woke tae the news that thon irritatin clem Cameron haes taen ower the tap job sae we hae aa the usual Tory stuff tae luk forrit tae - job cuts, high taxes an the lake. In north Antrim thaur's lakely tae bae a revolt fur a random sample o yins Ranter taaked tae aa thocht Naomi Lang shud get the job. Lake, why naw? It wud get hir awa frae hir Upside Doon heided pairty leader Ford wha comes across as a gansh o a boadie an shae haes tae watch oot fur property fowk an dodgy cafes oot roon that Bilfawst. Och Naomi, fur yer ain guid, awa ye go an pit Cameron oot an get in thonner yersel. If ye think Naomi Lang shud bae Prime Minister, hae yer say an let them yins in that Inglan know!!

Deflated Dunlap

Jane Dunlop (That doll Dunlap frae Alliance). OK sae the pictur disnae dae hir a lock o justice but its aboot the nearest image A cud get. Some wag thinks its mebbe naw even Jane Dunlap ava an luks mair lake the great Ulster Scots inventor John Dunlap wha med the bike tyre an tube. If he wus a far oot relation o Jane it didnae show at the pouls fur hir vote didnae inflate much whin the fowk o north antrim cast thir votes. Mair lake a punctured wheel, shae wus left feelin gye deflated.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Irwin Armstrong (AKA Who?) A actually seen a poster o this hunk ootside Bellamena an thaur wus mebbe yin at Derrykeighan forby. He stud oan a UCUNF ticket an oan yin o the posters, some eejit changed the last letter o that tae mak him mair interestin. It didnae wurk - he got hemmered. Even though A niver heared o this boadie afore, A'm near sure he wus in Four Weddins An A Funeral an got aff wie a bridesmaid an endin up merryin hir efter aboot half an hour.

Lyle Cubitt - Yin Scary Lukin Boadie

Lyle Cubitt (AKA Yin Scary lukin boadie). Yins wud tell ye that Lyle haes faa'd oot wie that monie fowk he had nae ither choice but tae staun oan haes ain. His poster mair ir less sed tae me "Vote fur me ir A'll sink the brogue in ye" an that didnae dae it fur me. He's brave an weel aff, they tell me, sae he'll lakely naw mine daein badly an lakely spent the nicht o the elecshun sayin tae iveryboadie, " Sae whit aboot it - luk at Peter Robyson. He'll lakely niver staun agane - an nither wull Cubitt.

Dacky McKye

Daithi McKay (Ullans: Dacky McKye). Smilin lake a pure clem didnae mak him wun north antrim but sure even if he had wun it, he wudnae hae went ower tae thon Westminster oniehoo. Even though is Ulster Scotch yins aa know that abstention means ye dinnae drink, the Shinners hae it in thir heids that it means naw gan tae Inglan. Harly a cinner voted fur the Shinner but he luks lake he kine a knowed that wud heppen an that's the raison fur the gornit's grin hae haes oan haes fizog in this pictur.

Jim Allyster

Jim Allister: Luk Jim thaurs nae point in ye shakin yer fists an gettin oan at a rate - ye loast an mebbe if this blog had hae bin approached afore the elecshun, we micht hae bin able tae gie ye a haun. Negative campaignin, as the Inglish caa it, is whin a boadie is seen tae dae nae mair nor miscaa the ither yins rinnin. It pits yins aff, even if they dae agree wie it aa. His biggest mistake wus naw takin oan breid an butter issues. Lake, niver did he menshun a tower centre fur Linen Hall Street in the Toon, a new zoo fur Dervock ir a niteclub fur Bendooragh. If he had, he wud lakely hae wun.

North Antrim's Election

Ian Paisley Junior (aka Paisley the yung yin). The mair he luks lake a boadie wha haes jest ither stepped aff a motorbike ir someboadie wha haes had haes tay spiked, this is the yin wha represents is ower in that Inglan. Whin the obvious shock o it aa dies doon a bit an he taks tae lukin normal agane, he haes tae tak oan issues lake soartin oot Bellymoney Toon Centre an gettin aa thon empty shaps tore doon an replaced wie a rake o new investment tae bring aboot work an gie the yins o the toon an thereaboots a wheen o poun in their pockits. Whit he can NIVER dae is sell the Causey staines!! They belang tae is an hae tae stye whaur they're at, nae metter hoo hard up we becom!!

Save Oor Toon An Let Is Aa Enjoy It

Whits the crack aboot oor toon? Poor owl Bellymoney haes bin owershadowed fur far too lang noo an thaur's nae excuse fur it. The A26 shud bae renamed "Jook The Toon By Pass"fur it haes left is mair ir less stranded as yins go atween Coulrain an Bellamena. Even visitors tae the Causey an aa roon the coast manage tae stye weel awa frae oor toon.
It's aa very weel fur the heid yins aboot here tae pit oan the slogan "Enjoy Our Town" but sure if naeboadie comes near it, hoo can they iver enjoy it? As the Ullans speakin capital o north Antrim if naw the hale country, the heid yins wud bae weel advised tae market the hale airt fur whit it is - an Ulster Scots speakin zone. Thaur is the potential tae mak a rake o money frae cultural tourism an its high time they goit thir act thegither. Ir they cud aye dae whit they dae best, af coorse - they cud jest sit oan thir arses an let the hale toon faal apairt. They're owl hans at that!

Useful Phrases

If ye are a tourist ir a visitor tae the north coast an Bellymoney in parteecular, it wud dae ye nae herm tae get tae grips wie twarthree wurds an phrases the Ullans speakers wud bae apt tae use whin they're taakin tae ye.

1. Whit's wrang wie ye? Ir ye loast? What is the matter? Are you lost?

2. Ir ye lukkin somewhir swanky ir jest a plaice tae pit yer heid doon? Do you seek a hotel or simply somewhere to lay your head down?

3. Thons naw a bad plaice ower thonner. That is a quite reasonable place over there.

4. Ye mean ye'r lyin oot aa nicht? Is yer heid cut? You mean you are sleeping in a tent/outdoors? Are you sane?

5. The Causey isnae aa that bad but it wud blaw the heid aff ye, mine ye. The Giant's Causeway is fine but can be somewhat windy, mind.

6. Whit schuil did ye go tae? I am trying to ascertain your religion by deducing it from the school you attended.

7. Ye wull fin Dunluce Cassel ower thon wye but its in joogins, mine ye. Dunluce Castle is over that way but it is in need of repair.

8. Whit dae ye mean Ulster Scotch? We aa taak Inglish aboot here. What do you mean Ulster Scots? We are English speakers here.

9. Mine thon burn fur the kye haes shat the hale lenth o it! Beware of the small river as effluent from cattle is present in it.

10. If ye stye roon here much langer ye'll bae ready fur the big hoose afore lang! If you do not leave this area shortly you may be committed to an assylum!

This isnae bae onie means an exhaustive list o ullans wurds - mair a kine o hitch hikers guide tae the hame lan. Thaur wull bae mair added tae it afore lang.

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Ballymoney: Ulster Scots Capital

Welcome tae Ballymoney - the capital o Ulster Scotch language whir we dae aal oor taakin in Ullans (Ulster Scots). Fur years we hae bin taaked aboot but noo its is wha ir taakin bak! If ye want tae lairn mair aboot oor wye o gan on, dinnae bae behin the dor aboot comin tae the Toon an hearin is rammlin on fur yersel!